In the past couple weeks, I’ve been taking lessons from the neighborhood kids on scrawling in fingerpaint, sidewalk chalk and crayons. The goal: a massive quasi-letter, picture art campaign to draw future Hall of Famer Kurt Warner back onto the football field.
Instead, it was announced early this week that Warner would trade dancing in the pocket and avoiding a speeding Patrick Willis for the bright lights and sequined costumes of “Dancing With The Stars.” He’s the latest football player to join the fray, joined by former hoopster and budding thespian Rick Fox.
Arizona’s quarterback woes have been well-chronicled in the press of late, and the future of former first-round pick Matt Leinart is certainly in doubt. There have been whispers of trade talks and outright releases. All the while, we’re wondering if Warner would make a dramatic return to the field to save Ken Whisenhunt’s offense and restore the eroding confidence in the Arizona offense. His appearance in the “big reveal” for the new “DWTS” season, a run that included introductions of “The Situation,” “The Hoff,” and Michael Bolton (“The Voice”), probably kicked those hopes and dreams of NFL fans and fantasy owners to the curb. Kyle Massey of “That’s So Raven” rounds out the men’s side of the competition.
I’m still thinking about his 3,700 passing yards and 26 touchdown passes of a year ago. Alas, the pinball machine-like yardage total stops at 32,000 and change with 208 regular season touchdowns.
I can’t say that I’m terribly excited about the women’s side of things – no disrespect to Bristol Palin, Margaret Cho, Mrs. Brady, Audrina Patridge and Brandy. I can only get fired up for Jennifer Grey’s first onscreen appearance and Tom Bergeron’s first “nobody puts baby in a corner” reference. As I have Jerry Orbach on “Law & Order” from the DVR in the background right now, it seems like I should bust out some “Point Break” to round out the trilogy.
As with my tracking of Ochocinco’s progress last season, I’ll set the DVR to catch Warner’s movements on the dance floor. All the while, I’ll be lamenting that his quick release and pinpoint accuracy will be just an NFL memory. Owners of Larry Fitzgerald are hoping that his athleticism rules the day in spite of the quarterback situation.
In the interim, I’ll start working on an exemption to the uniform role to allow Warner to bring the glitz onto the field should he return. I’m thinking of an NFL version of Redford’s “Electrif Horseman” outfit.