Harmon is back in the fantasy chat hotseat on FOXSports.com at 2pm ET/11 am PT. Got a burning keeper question? Trying to sort between receivers?

Light it up!

Anyway, I rolled off with a huge (this ain’t Venti) cup of Joe to check out a 10am showing of “Grown Ups.” It wasn’t crowded. Most of those creeping toward the ticket window were shouting about Woody, Buzz or the aforementioned Twilight phenomenon, so I crept into a fairly quiet, sparsely attended screening — just in time to see the previews.

I’d heard rumblings of another “Meet The Parents” film. I almost cried after seeing the trailer – not of laughter, but of fear and misery. I’ll see it at some point on ye olde Roku player because of my love of the DeNiro-Keitel combination.

And then, we got to the main event. Perhaps 10am isn’t the best time for slapstick (and sometimes juvenile) humor, at least until the coffee kicks in. Just listen to an interview with a stand-up comic and they’ll tell you as much. So, the jab-jab-jab delivery sometimes had the effect of a sledgehammer on me at times, but the general tone and sentiment of the movie shouldn’t be dismissed.

We’re used to seeing Adam Sandler and his band of merrymen delivering zingers, ridiculous (in a grand way) set-ups and one-liners galore. The inter-play that you’ve seen in past films in there, but they’re, well, grown up. That is to say, fans of the members of this troupe, see that this is the ideal for filmmaking.

It’s like when George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon and the band of thieves get together for another Ocean’s caper. Or, when Ben Stiller rolls up Owen Wilson and the boys or Jason Segal, Paul Rudd, Jonah Hill … you get the point.

You feel as if you’re looking in on a genuine exchange, where the one-liners and smack-talking echoes their private exchanges and that the over-arching storyline is but a notecard in an improv sketch.

The cast members have, in fact, grown up, with kids of their own, and those hopes, fears, moments of pride and confusion all ring true. See Rock’s “Good Hair” for a look at fatherhood through his unique lens.

And we thank Sandler and the team at Happy Madison for giving us the gifts of Salma Hayek and Maria Bello (and the comedic timing of the radiant Maya Rudolph, who gave birth to a baby girl in November).

There are a couple shots in the film of the parents standing back and watching the kids play and interact with one another. Anyone who has cared for a child a kid knows the thoughts that run through your head during those quiet moments and the little smile and gleam in your eye that occur. That step back from the everyday hustle and bustle can’t always occur at a picturesque lakeside resort. But, as Sandler’s Hollywood agent character and his spoiled family (and everybody else, for that matter) learn, it’s necessary to hit the pause button.

Along the way, we get a great re-telling of the old “let’s create a 30-year old sports grudge” (Seinfeld’s Race, “The Best of Times” and myriad other tv shows and films — I’ll compile a list this weekend and post) with great work from Colin Quinn and Steve Buscemi.

The water park scene gives us quick-hits from Dan Patrick and Norm MacDonald. Don’t worry. The “pee in the pool” ad series doesn’t give away all of the scene.

In the end, I don’t think anybody walks away unsatisfied.

You get the one-liners and shenanigans that put these guys on the map.
You get Kevin James working the physical comedy and showing range with the, uh, unique situations presented by his familial unit.
You get the additions of Madison Riley and Jamie Chung as Schneider’s daughters from past marriages.
You get the aforementioned female leads.

And, at the center of this thing … you get a lot of heart.

I was a crafty southpaw and slap hitter as a youngster, far earlier than anybody should have carried either of those tags. The decision was made that contact was better than the big fly, hence I didn’t make full use of my ass-ets. I hit well, but the glory of the scoreboard-shattering blast eluded me.

On the mound, I never learned to harness the power that laid in what would later be dubbed Quad-zilla. I never found that sweet spot between power pitching and control and, in my youth, you could still get people to chase if you mixed things up … although drilling a few more batters might have been good for releasing frustrations.

Regardless, I wasn’t fleet of foot. I wasn’t the statuesque portrait of a ballplayer. I wasn’t, well, I just wasn’t … but the combination of being a lefty and this means that perhaps I should have kept going.

It’s not too late, is it?

Check out the article here .

In the end, I was entertained and, well, my trigger-happy “recording” finger had set things for a series recording. As such, I found last week’s “DTWS” sitting on the DVR when I sat down to plot out the remainder of the work week.

So, I eschewed the other items on the DVR (horror movies, the “Life” series and other reality fodder) and clicked play. I did it without hesitation, like ripping off a band-aid.

Instead of writing a 9,000-word tome, I’m going to hit this quickly and show some love to the big ones — no, I’m not referring to Pamela Anderson (Scherzinger?).

Erin Andrews – She battled through a back injury and looked far more confident and trusting following last week’s blindfold tomfoolery (it had a ton of applications, evidently).

Evan – He snapped off his moves and, like Andrews, looked a lot more confident despite the dual-score thing coming into play.

Still, should these performers, ice guys and whatever else be in this thing?

Niecy – Seems to get through just fine. I noticed a couple of positioning issues w/ my untrained eye (take your worst stereotype of a 5-foot-7 fireplug trying to dance and crank it up to 11). Just didn’t seem to enjoy herself.

I couldn’t help but laugh at the “more hips” comment. Seriously?

Aiden – He looked stiff and you could almost see the steps coming together in his mind. Couldn’t feel the passion in this dance despite the outfit Edyta was sporting. It probably made him a bit nervous … and ultimately sent them home.

Nicole Scherzinger — What else can you say? She was nervous a bit about hands and her footwork following previous week’s criticism. However, it was still a smooth, stylized and sensual performance.

Bruno asked for “a little more sex.” You could only laugh.

Jake – He struggled with his footwork in the practice videos. Made a nifty move during his dance to “Never Met A Girl” across the stairs, but unfortunately had a couple missteps thereafter. He was definitely more into it, which seems to have helped. It pushed him up the leaderboard a couple spots.

Kate Gosselin & Tony – Gosselin is one of the stars everybody tunes in to watch each week. She made it through the Lady Gaga episode in the previous week & then had the latest court drama from the ex to fuel her. Kate still looks like she’s anticipating the next several steps and it makes things choppy, but she seemed more confident. It ain’t pretty, but it’s getting there …

Chad Ochocinco – He got the audience chuckling in the pre-taped piece by talking about his “hip action.” Ochocinco was much looser and more of the guy I and other sports folks have become accustomed to seeing. Ochocinco was in a flow and much improved — he just looked more comfortable in it.

Oh, and TO was there again. Where’s his gig?

Pamela – Well, what else needs to be said? This was a dance that left men with their jaws agape and happy that they sat in on the performance. Terrell Owens’ face in the crowd said it all. That was a dance ….

Don’t judge me. You already set me up with “Project Runway” every week. Tape the show. Forget that I haven’t seen a minute of this thing except for the clips on “Access Hollywood,” “Extra,” “Jimmy Kimmel LIVE” or “Good Day, L.A.” It’s a new world order, and I wanted to see it play out.

You’re going to have to convince me that I need to keep coming back.

The casts of past seasons were intriguing, without a doubt. Adam Carolla has spoken often in defense of his unicycle choice. And, of course, the success of NFL stars has certainly put things on my radar for interview and discussion purposes.

On this night, I just had to sit down and watch the latest NFL star participant, Chad Ochocinco, get his groove on. I shan’t lie. The thought of watching Pamela Anderson and Nicole Scherzinger dance, coupled with my curiosity about Kate Gosselin and Buzz Aldrin, helped seal the deal. So, I sat down for the competition, and then extended my viewing with the “Votes” show.

Now, for those that don’t know all about Chad, let me break it down quickly. He’s a jokester, shameless self-promoter, great interview and one hell of a football player. Some commentators deride him as “selfish” and question his antics (just do a YouTube search for “Ochocinco touchdown dance”), but give me a guy who still wants football to be fun while playing at a high level. Do yourselves a favor. Follow Chad on Twitter (@OGochocinco).

I preface my review of the show and its participants in this manner. I don’t know anything about dancing except that my shoulders are broad enough to serve as a pillow. And, if you rock back and forth long enough, you just might get a good-sized nap in (request the live “Freebird” or “Hotel California”). So, for my viewing purposes, I was trying to read facial expressions, watching footwork and just trying to get a gauge of whether the dancers were confident … and whether they entertained me.

The theme of the night was “Tell Me A Story.”

Let me tell you mine.

1st – Evan Lysacheck & Anna – Quickstep – “Chicago”

I liked the practice session, with Evan saying “I’m not going to do it unless you explain it in a thick Russian accent.” He looked stiff at times and I thought you could see the wheels spinning when it came to turn, but the cartwheel at the end provided a big finish and won over the crowd. Nice score.

PS – You should have talked about the broken toes before the dance. That Bruno guy would give you some sympathy or call you a warrior or something.

2nd – Buzz Aldrin & Ashley — “The Waltz’ — “It’s a Wonderful World”

I’m a big fan of playing “spot the product placement” on TV shows. There was definitely a spot for it in the pre-dance clip of Buzz recording Ashley on his phone. Take the cash where you can.

Oh, and he might have had the quote of the night from that one. “I don’t comprehend not thinking about something.”

You couldn’t help but get wrapped up into the story of a soldier returning. However, you could see Ashley tapping him to prompt moves and you could see him thinking on the floor. I wrote “statue” in my notes, a though echoed in Bruno’s critique.

You know what. I didn’t care. The man at 80 was out dancing and having fun, participating in this spectacle and genuinely enjoying this connection to another generation. I can only hope to be so full of life when I reach his age. I salute you.

His post-dance Q&A was classic and couldn’t help but stir you a bit: “A patriotic geezer like me …”

Geezer had gone out of the vernacular (at least I hadn’t heard it in awhile), but I love that he wore the term proudly. Godspeed, Mr. Aldrin.

I would have loved to see you stay, but the fan base didn’t rally this time.

PS – Why couldn’t they have given the singer of the house band a number off and let Louis Armstrong do his magic with the song?

3rd – Jake and Chelsea — “The Bachelor” — “Walk Like An Egyptian” — Quick-step

There was a nice dramatic clip before their dance, but I have to wonder how it affected America’s sentiments. Jake & Chelsea were shown arguing and talking about respect.

In the end, he looked like he was having fun with it and was loose on his feet. And, they recognized that IT WAS A SHOW and used props and such. Again, perhaps it didn’t flow to professional dance standards, but it worked for a slouch like me.

In the sake of full disclosure, I’d never seen “The Bachelor” before one episode of Jake’s season. I still want to hit the production people for the flyover opener with him leaning on the motorcycle.

4th – Niecy & Louis — “The Waltz” – “With You, I’m Born Again” – Billy Preston

The dance flowed nicely, but I agreed with Len on the summary statement. Wasn’t she supposed to be happy at the end of the storyline of love struggles?

The inter-racial and gay marriage storylines certainly put a charge into the show and could have changed the mood. Living in LA, it’s a debate that remains in the forefront of political talk. I stepped back and wondered how the commentary was viewed by the nationwide viewing audience.

5th — Ochocinco & Cheryl — “Paso Doble”

This was the dance I was waiting for. Seriously, I had to get the NFL spin on it and add to the list of topics to torment Chad about come training camp.

The pre-dance roll had Cheryl explaining the dance “You’re trying to seduce me, but I want nothing to do with you. “Sounds like real life.”

He talks to himself, berates himself and tries to pump himself up. What’s not to like?

During the dance, Ochocinco keeps an intense look, and though his movements were sometimes forced, he looked comfortable overall. He’s a man known for end zone dances, so I expected nothing less.

I particularly enjoyed the shots of Florence Henderson and George Lopez during his dance. I don’t know why, but I did. The end of the dance offered the potential for an Adrien Brody-Halle Berry moment that didn’t materialize.

Ochocinco lives to see another day. I’ll be back next week, right?

6th – Pamela & Damian — Paso Doble – “Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood”

Charo! Seriously, they busted out (no pun intended) Charo!

Whatever she helped Pamela with, it worked. She struggled a bit early with her hands, but found the rhythm and put together a great performance. Oh, and the snarky sense of humor came out at the end.

Do we still like Pam? Is the target audience digging Pam? Is she growing on them after nearly getting eliminated last week?

7th – Aidan & Edyta —- Quick-step –

I hated the line about “giving 150%” in the pre-dance B-roll. That always gets the blood boiling, but so be it. Aidan was stiff early as he brought his painting to life and then started to bounce and skip and have fun with it. He felt middle of the pack and that’s where he ended up.

8th – Erin & Maksim – Waltz –

I don’t know Erin, but have many friends and colleagues who have met or worked with her in the past and speak highly of her. So, I was happy to see her joking and laughing, enjoying this moment despite all of the things swirling around in the background.

They won the award for creativity with the inclusion of the blindfold. It was an element that certainly sent minds racing, but probably served as a nice bond-building structure for the dancers.

Len whined about the “walking” and his desire for “more dancing.” I thought it was all dancing, even in the pauses. I really need to go buy a rulebook …

9th Kate & Tony – “Paparazzi” — Paso Doble

As much as I was interested in seeing Chad and Pamela … and Erin and Buzz, I was certainly interested in seeing Kate Gosselin’s dance. At one point, the “Plus 8” show was a regular part of the viewing cycle and the “spot the product” game was born.

I liked the tongue-in-cheek song selection and the setup. I didn’t quite recognize her in the Cruella de Vil outfit out of the gate, but liked the choreography and where they were headed. I felt for her. You want to let it go and live in the moment, but she was clearly in her head about the steps and probably one million other things.

But, she said she felt proud after getting through the dance. Face your fears and issues and plow forth. Who’s to argue with that?

10th – Nicole & Derek — Quick-step – slacking off sailors – Anything Goes

I’m just going to ask it plainly. Why does she get to be in this?

Now, I’m not complaining about the outfit and her appearance, and there were certainly enough teases with her to keep the boyfriends and husbands engaged for the two hours, but she at an inherent advantage?

This was another great example of me knowing absolutely nothing about dance rules and such. Good entertainment is good entertainment.

So, yell from the rooftop, Mr. Len (I liked her “we broke Len’s Commandments” line), but you can’t deny that they stole the show. It was a fitting end to the night.

As I alluded to above, I did come back for the elimination show. I enjoyed the Reba McEntire numbers, although I would have liked to see them work to an extended version of “Fancy” or another classic.

Chad Ochocinco gave the audience and Brooke Burke a moment of pause when he spoke of “making love on the dance floor” with next week’s Rhumba, and Tom Bergeron capped it with a good joke.

All in all, I was entertained. Will it keep me tuning in on a consistent basis?

You tell me. Convince me.

Harmon Takes Aim

Over the past several weeks, many of my friends and work colleagues have taken their potshots at the majority of sports of the Olympiad.

As the title suggests, I rolled up to The Hollywood Improv to get my comedy on. As the title suggests, there were drinks to be had during this laughfest and story-telling extravaganza. Many of the folks near me might have loaded up on the adult beverages. I rolled up with a caffeine surge, courtesy of a quad skim latte (soft, I know). The legend shot-gunned a couple Red Bulls – they oughta sponsor the tour. Seriously.

I digress.

I came to The Improv, like many in attendance, reaching for a little piece of the past. As I would tell the legend himself after the show, I first became enamored with the power of words, rants and verbosity while watching wrestling as a kid. Sure, I admired Vin Scully, Bob Costas, Jim Nantz, Dan Patrick and all of the other broadcast heroes, and they have their place in what I do now, but that ability to cut through everything with a sneer, a four or five-minute rant and that maniacal grin inside the squared circle hooked me.

I’ll save the wrestling tales of PPVs, backyard wrestling, beatdowns for a fictional belt and myriad other items for future podcasts — and believe me, there are a ton of them. Suffice it to say, I wasn’t donning the red and yellow of Hulkamania. I followed two – the brute strength and badass speeches of The Road Warriors (sorry, my body type screamed Animal) and the brilliant eloquence of Roddy Piper. (I still call people “pieces of garbage” when driving the 405 in LA.)

So, you could understand that, while I didn’t come bearing photos, belts or memorabilia on that night, I brought a lot of memories, more knowledge of the history than some would acknowledge and a desire to hear those tales from the squared circle. I received a bonus of Piper playing the electric bagpipes. Again, I digress.

Piper was greeted warmly by the fans in attendance as the famed bagpipe entrance fanfare blared over the speakers. He sprinted to the stage and smiled from ear-to-ear. There was a genuine feeling of respect and appreciation for those who came out to the show (an 11:30 pm start). I won’t roll through the act here, even in cursory terms, and give away the stuff you should be paying for when it comes on tour. It’s a trip through the memory bank – a 40-year tour from the first days on the circuit, through the growth of the WWF to WrestleMania and so forth. Seriously, you’re looking at 40 years of wrestling, film and that stare and laugh.

Along the way, Piper mixes stories with one-liners, taking his shots at his adversaries from the time, management (as you’d expect) and some of the big names. And the whole time, and this is the key to why this works — it feels like Piper is one of your buddies meeting you for drinks on a Friday night.

Piper bounced from story to story, some of which were extended versions that will be probably be refined over time (Jeffrey Ross made light of his verbosity in the Q & A session), punctuating the big stories with a quick jab.

There was a great energy in the crowd, and everyone in attendance hung on every word. Even when he lost his place, you could feel people inching toward the edges of their seats for the inevitable punchline. The stories will get shortened and refined over time. But there’s no caging the energy.

Obviously, those who grew up on wrestling in the 80s and early 90s are the prime audience here, but the tales can be enjoyed by anyone. It’s about raising a little hell and pulling back the curtain just a little bit. “Boys being boys,” for lack of a better phrase.

Following the show and Q & A session, the crowd was invited to hang out to meet Piper and get an autograph or a photo. Piper graciously greeted everyone who stuck around (we’re talking 1:30 am), signed pictures, answered more questions and showed his appreciation for those who came out to the show. I recalled a famous “Saturday Night’s Main Event” sketch and offered my best wishes for the show. Influences come from everywhere, people. Embrace them where you find them.

Watch for upcoming shows
———————————————————

I would remiss if I failed to acknowledge the other comedians on the slate. The jokes were all over the place and, at times, I was left looking for the non-existent remote. “Did I just hear that?” Truly a great mix of material, range and a great complement to Piper’s tales.

Check out their websites for more dates and material.

Don Barris hosted the event – http://www.myspace.com/simplydon
Eddie Pence – http://eddiepence.com
Bert Kreischer – http://www.bertbertbert.com/
Brad Williams – http://www.myspace.com/funnybrad

Light it up.

Chew some gum. Kick some ass. Revel, if only for a minute, in your memories of “the rock and wrestling connection,” “Piper’s Pit” and legends such as Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka, “Mr. Wonderful,” “Cowboy Bob” and Andre The Giant.

I leave you with this thought. Can you imagine how many channels Vince McMahon and the WWF would have had if “reality” television had exploded in the 80s? Even that damn parrot that Koko B. Ware had would have had his own show.

As the film progresses, he begins to wrestle the demons within related to his service in the Korean War and his estranged sons. Walt becomes a hero to the neighborhood as he protects his next-door neighbors (at first, just an act of self-preservation). The dialogue is crisp, and you can’t help but like the youngsters next door “Toad” and “Sue.” It’s another fine performance from Eastwood, who weaves a brilliant tale of a man clinging to and avoiding the past at the same time — as demonstrated through the love of a “Gran Torino.”

I admit to a predisposition for liking Ricky Gervais, and I was excited about the premise of this one. The first hour was replete with great one-liners and witty banter, and if I’m not mistaken, a lot of improvisation. Gervais’ everyman character, which he does better than anyone on the screen right now, is in a world of hurt – professionally, emotionally, romantically — and every other sense of the word. Jennifer Garner is quite good as his love interest. She plays off of the “truth” factor in this bizarro world and you sometimes feel queasy as Gervais asks her a question, fearful of what’s coming back.

I shan’t elaborate on plot, but you know the drill about the basic premise. The way Gervais brings along thoughts and more than a few discussions about “the big picture” is well played. Imagine a world where everyone’s a “straight shooter.”

Is that what John Lennon wrote about all those years ago?

I would excise part of the final cut as it stalls a bit, but overall, I like Gervais’ world view, and the wide array of cameros will keep you entertained.